When I Was Younger (so a couple days ago)

When I was younger, like a couple days ago...(younger is any time before the now) I was thinking about the idea of a pimp and it occurred to me that I had such an interesting idea of a pimp. Or i was naive to the "business" aspect. I was watching Deuce Bigalow: Male Jiggalo (actually spelled Gigalo, just looked it up) and the so called "pimp" was played by Eddie Griffin. In the film Eddie's character talks about the fact that Deuce is making him so much money! BOOM WISHH SWOOSH TIME WARP (sound effects for whats going on in my mind)  For some reason, through some swirl of thoughts I opened the file of my thoughts and perspective of a pimp from when I was younger, like around 9 years old. Somehow, I was in the mind of my 9 year old self and managed to sit in my perspective and see the images I had of a pimp. It happened real REAL quick and I didn't TRY to go there. It just happened, somehow i just arrived there or it arrived here. the moment Eddies character spoke about his CUT, it triggered this quick time warp image of memories from a moment in time when i was 9 years old having a quick thought. And this is what I discovered. (As my 9 year old self watching this movie)  I didnt think about the cut that they got, I didn't think about the fact that they got a percentage of what the "prostitutes were making." I thought they just looked cool with a purple suit a feather and the best accessory of all, the naked/provocatively dressed women; as if they acted as a scarf swarming around their purple suited body. I knew that the pimp provided clients of some sort or it kindve occurred to me. I didnt focus on that. I focused on the colors, the sexy part of it, the fun fantastical image I would see on the television screen. I thought that somehow maybe the clients just were there or they showed up and the pimp is  just there to approve or pretend like at the end of the day "these women are mine but i am happy to share them", like candy or a good scotch. This might all not make sense to you but this is parallel to many other situations that I and maybe you have in life. A moment in time when you see, hear, feel, EXPERIENCE something and somehow it reminds you and brings you back to a perspective, image or feeling so different you had of something similar when you were younger. And you have a secret subtle AHA! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! moment. And it also makes you realize your progress and growth as a human. I am examining now the reason I was able to "see" the business and ackowledge that aspect in the movie now (cuz when i was younger i didn't SEE that part) It's because I am INVOLVED or have experience or have been forced to learn the business side of things in my life NOW. I have also encountered people who talk about it a lot. So because "business" is more present in my life, the business aspect of the movie stood out to me in the movie. And that was, hmm lets call it something, a *"molecule when i was younger" moment for me. These moments happen SO FAST sometimes you are not able to acknowledge it BUT these are the moments a SHIFT happens. Others might see you as "stupid" when you are having these moments. And I don't think that is fair. I think it is important to recognize that knowledge is ALSO perspective its an on going experience and different for everyone. How, where, when you arrive to a "molecule when i was younger" moment which happens often in our everyday lives we just dont realize it, embrace it and examine it! You might learn more and can teach someone else something when the time comes. Only you are having that experience. And If someone is judging you and looking at you like you are stupid , remember they have those moments too but they haven't realized yet what exactly is happening. You will have this experience in you're head. So most of the time what will only be heard by other people is what you have arrived at, not the wonderfully confusing journey in your head. And you might say something because thats what you know/arrived at. And the other person will say "seriously?" or "no thats wrong"  or "that doesn't make sense" , "you're stupid." And then you go on living your life feeling discouraged not confident, and decrease the amount of thoughts and ideas and most likely smart and brilliant things you want to say OUT LOUD. YOU QUIET YOURSELF BECAUSE OF THAT ONE PERSON NOT ACKNOWLEDGING THAT YOU ARE HAVING YOUR "molecule when i was younger" moment! It's not that you are stupid! It's your JOURNEY!!! And what I have to say to myself is that when someone calls you stupid, let that be APART of your journey and learn about how it makes you feel to be called stupid. Somewhere down the line there will be a time in your life and you will have a " molecule when i was younger" moment that will connect to the time that someone called you stupid and it shall serve you not rob you.  And when ever you find yourself judging yourself or someone else for not knowing something, stop yourself and say they don't know it for a reason. I/They have a different perspective, I/they have different eyes and I/they can learn or better yet I/they can teach me/them.


*Molecule when i was younger moment- when a feeling, sound, image, and/or an experience in the present carries you back to a moment in time mentally or emotionally,  you thought, felt, or knew differently or the same about that same idea or different idea. (could be in another life)